How My Online English Class ALMOST Ruined My Life

Hey Internet,

So, I alluded to this earlier in the week and I realized I hadn't written the story down, and this is one that I didn't want to forget. So apologies if this one bores you. And it's long. Sorry.

So, in order for me to graduate in May (squeal!) and start my Internship last August I needed to take an upper division writing class. The classes they offered through my school were lame (Alaska Native Literature, no thank you!) So, I decided to take the class online through BYU at the suggestion of my UAF advisor. I registered for the class in March of 2012, while I was finishing my load classes and packed semester. I had every intention of finishing it in the summer.

Well, then my summer Chemistry class happened and that just didn't work as I had planned. But it was ok, I had finished my last online BYU English class in just a few weeks, this would be no problem, right? WRONG!

July 1. Finished Chemistry and decided to start my online class. Early American Literature. 20 open book quizzes and 4 response papers...so. I . thought. Those 4 response papers were actually 10 pages each! PLUS a final project proposal paper. AH!

But, I started the quizzes. Quiz #1, had the book open on my kindle app, it's a multiple choice quiz, I test well, I figured I could do it. Easy Peasy. Took the quiz. 72%. Meh, not bad, I didn't really try that hard. Next quiz I'll try harder.

Quiz 2: Read the section, had it open, took the quiz, felt confident...submit. 40% For reals? Ok, got to try MUCH harder on this next quiz.

Quiz 3: Read the section out loud, looked up answers on literary criticism sites (not just wikipedia here friends) tried my hardest. Legit studying here people. Submit. 25% You've GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! There was no rhyme or reason to these answers. In fact, the feedback on some questions was "upon a superficial reading, you may get this answer, look again." GRRR

Quiz 4: So, by now I'm pissed. I yell, "I bet it doesn't even matter if I try!" Click, Click Click, didn't read, just picked random answers. Submit. 70%

THIS. IS. BOGUS!

I tried Emailing the professor, but the link wouldn't work, so I E-mailed BYU, they forwarded my concerns to the professor. I told him I was having a hard time with the quizzes, I was studying and my grades were horrible. He assured me that the quizzes were a bit goofy and that a majority of the grade would be based on my written responses, don't give up, keep trying.

Well, a few more failed quizzes and I wanted to quit.

Now, keep in mind that by not passing this class by August 9 I wouldn't be able to do my internship, I would have to wait until fall 2013, I wouldn't graduate and basically I would have to be a janitor for the rest of my life. I decided this was going to have to happen. Because I was hating the Scarlet Letter, Last of the Mohicans, and all the other dead Pilgrim books I had to read. I felt defeated and didn't do anything for 2 weeks.

BUT, since my mom has no desire to have me living with her forever, she told me failure was not an option. My ENTIRE family rallied around me. We all read books, while I was frantically writing papers, my aunt, mom, cousins and siblings were looking up quiz answers online. Oh, and you can retake quizzes for $10 a quiz. So, Daddy Warbucks handed over his credit card so I could buy a passing grade on the quizzes, $130 later we had inched my quiz grade up to a 74%

Oh, and the timing. I had to have all the lessons done before I could take the final, which had to be mailed to Alaska and mailed back to Utah BEFORE August 9... Yeah, that takes 2 weeks, which I DIDN'T have.  Luckily, it just happened to coincide with my trip to Utah, so I could take my final before my roommate reunion on August 6.  Talk about cutting it close!

So, the day before I flew to Utah on August 4 I finished all the quizzes and had all but one paper written, and submitted but not graded. I had no idea how this professor was going to grade these, and NO clue if I was going to fail. Once you take the final you can't make any changes to anything else, so  I was really putting faith in God that this was going to work out. And some of my papers were really bad. I mean I wrote a paper about slaves walking freely on a ship when the story was ACTUALLY about mutiny on a slave ship. (That was the last one and after writing 40 pages your brain gets a bit fried)

I submitted my final paper at 2 am and was EXHAUSTED. I decided I would take the exam the next day. I also Emailed the professor and told him I was in town from Alaska and wanted to talk to him about my grade. I waited for a response and updated grades. Nothing.

August 6, Still nothing from the professor. I decided that I should wait to see if I get an E-mail back from him before taking my test. If I didn't hear back from him I would take the test on the 7th.

10:30pm August 6, professor E-mailed back saying my email had gone to his spam folder and he had office times available on the 8th if I wanted to come in then. I decided I would take my test immediately after meeting him and then head to my reunion. Still 1 day before the deadline.

August 7. Checked grades online, instructor had graded all 40 pages of my work. I had a solid B. I was ABSOLUTELY going to pass the class! I cried. I called my family. I knew that all my prayers hadn't been in vain.

August 8- I went to the professor's office. Now keep in mind I had been really cursing this guy for such an impossible class, but I knew my grade was secure, so I just wanted to thank him for grading my papers so quickly.

Internet, Keith Lawrence is the KINDEST man ever! 

I walked into his office and he asked why I had flown all the way to Alaska to see him. I explained my situation, the internship, the pressed deadlines, the family quizzes. He looked at me and said, "WOW. You did all of this in a month? I told him yes. I would love to see what you could have done with more time, because that is AMAZING work, knowing your situation. You will do fine on the final, you're a strong writer and you had some really great ideas about themes and concepts in the works you studied."

I got teary. 

As I left his office he congratulated me on my success in the course and wished me luck in my internship and on the exam I was going to take right then. And then "Tell your family nice work on the quizzes!"

I got a 90% on the final. And a B in the class overall.

This year I have really learned that God has plan for my life. There was NO way I should have passed that class. But because of my family and divine help, I did. I was able to overcome that obstacle and I am on the path to a career that I love. I know that God knows and loves me and hears and answers my prayers, even when they're about something insignificant as an online English class.

If Only In My Dreams...

Merry Christmas Internet,

Hard to believe Christmas has come and gone. I survived. 

Christmas time is always a bit painful for me.

Partially because it's a reminder of how my life has taken a different path than I had planned. (Not a worse or better plan, only different.) I always imagined by this time in my life I would be married with children. My family would have our own little home to decorate and fill with traditions and I'd be finished with school.

Sometimes I get bitter and sad. 

I don't have the husband, the kids or the home. 

(I do have TONS of people who love me, an internship *that's 1/2 way done* that I love and 24 kids who I adore! I really can't complain about that)

And then I kick myself, stop doing that, and try to find a way that I can fill that hole in my life and help someone else.

So, I "visited Santa" to make sure that all of my friends under the age of 10 got custom letters from the Jolly man himself. *Kris Kringle and I have VERY similar writing styles. WEIRD!

A few of my local favorites!

I made Gifts for all 24 of my kids. 

Hair Clips for the girls

I stayed up til the wee hours of the morning to make my kids rainbow Jello.

I made bread for all my friends at school.

Homemade Cinnamon Chip and White bread!

The Finished presents wrapped and ready to go!

When we went Christmas Caroling, we stopped at one of my kids' houses. I think he waved at me about 20 times while we were singing.

And I come to understand better, as I serve others, how much my Savior loves me. 

Wahoo! One More Thing to Cross off My List!

Hi Internet,

Happy Friday! Today was an especially great day for 3 reasons lemme tell you why.

A. Something ACTUALLY worked out in my favor after battling "The Man"

B. Tender Mercies and blessings from paying Tithing.

C. I got  was able to pay off an old student loan from several years ago! Crossing one of my 28 before 28 off my list! (I have other loans, but I have this one paid OFF!)

12. Pay off Student Loan

Are you looking for tender mercies in your life? 

Developing A Mother Heart

Hi Internet,

It's Midterms. Ugh. I've been procrastinating studying by distracting myself with shiny objects, extra running, and watching Netflix. But, I've been studying a talk by my "best friend" Julie B. Beck this week and I decided I would share a few thoughts, because it's MY blog, and I can. :)

Sister Beck is the General Relief Society President for my church. She is the president of the largest Women's organization in the world. 2 years ago she came to my town and I was able to meet her. She is an AMAZING woman. She even told me I was neat!

It changed my life.

I was in a meeting where she was asking for questions from the audience and I felt like I should ask what counsel she had for young single sisters. I remember distinctly her looking into my eyes and saying exactly what I needed to hear. She told me I was much like her mother. He mother didn't get married until she was older, and was a young single professional woman with a "car, golf clubs and skis." She married a widower with 3 small children and quickly began a family.

I remember finding peace and comfort in her words.

Sometimes I lie when people ask me what I want to be when I "grow-up." I usually say "a teacher," but what I really want to say is that I want to be a wife and mother.

That's all I've ever wanted to be since I was a little girl. I played "House" everyday in Kindergarten as a little girl. While some girls played pretend horses or imagined themselves as mermaids, I was busy cooking in the kindergarten kitchen, being the mom.

It's hard sometimes to feel like the thing that I want most is so far away sometimes.

But, last week I read Sister Beck's talk "A 'Mother Heart'" and again I have found peace and solace in her words. (I think EVERY woman should read it. It's AMAZING!)

She begins by talking about her mother,

She took longer than most women to find her husband, but during her single years she had devoted her life to progress. Though it was uncommon at the time, she was university educated and advancing in a career. Following her marriage, children arrived in quick succession; and in a short span of years, she was the mother of a large family. All the knowledge she had acquired, all her natural abilities and gifts, all her skills were channeled into an organization that had no earthly bounds. As a covenant-keeping daughter of God, she had prepared all her life for motherhood.

I love how Sister Beck's mother was ACTIVELY living her life.

She had a career and was making progress in her life. Those skills and attributes that she was able to develop during her single years, while longer than most LDS women's, played a pivotal role in helping her become an amazing mother.

She had a mother heart.

A woman with a mother heart has a testimony of the restored gospel, and she teaches the principles of the gospel without equivocation. She is keeping sacred covenants made in holy temples. Her talents and skills are shared unselfishly. She gains as much education as her circumstances will allow, improving her mind and spirit with the desire to teach what she learns to the generations who follow her.

I loved this quote, because none of these qualities actually require a child or official title of mother. Truly, any woman can learn to become more like Jesus Christ, become patient and self-less, be educated and improve herself. In fact, I have been blessed with a tremendous opportunity to learn and practice these qualities now, before I have the added responsibilities of a family of my own.

In my experience I have seen that some of the truest mother hearts beat in the breasts of women who will not rear their own children in this life, but they know that “all things must come to pass in their time” and that they “are laying the foundation of a great work” (D&C 64:32–33 ). 

I want to be a mother. I want to be a mother with a mother heart, someone who understands who I am and how I fit in to my Heavenly Father's plan. Someone who is kind and patient, who is selfless and has capacity to lift those around me. Someone who can teach and love others.

I am glad to have this time in my life to prepare myself to be a better person and develop a "Mother Heart."