This is my JAM!!!

Hello again Internet!

So, I don't know if you're like me or not, but I'm the kinda lady who always seems to have a theme song. ALWAYS. No matter what's going on in my life it seems like there's a song that perfectly describes how I feel.

Like that one time there was the boy from high school who used to pretend that we were besties... When really I hated his guts?? (For those of you who know the TRUE story, I actually had the BIGGEST crush on him... masked in "hatred" hahaha! Oh, those were the days) and Chris Karraba from Dashboard spoke my life story with "Don't be a liar, don't say that everything's working when everything's broken, cause you smile like a saint, but you curse like a sailor and your eyes say the joke's on me."

Or a few years later when another fella broke my heart in the 83460 and Avril and I were apparently telepathic and must've shared similar experiences cause we both felt "It's nice to know you were there,thanks for acting like you cared, and making me feel like I was the only one. It's nice to know we had it all, thanks for watching as I fall, And letting me know we were done...All this time you were pretending. So much for my happy ending."

OR a few years later in Utah when that guy I worked with at the magic potions place dated like every girl... BUT me! And me and the Pussycat Dolls started a club with our montera "Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me? "

WELL, internet! In light of my most recent situation, I think my feelings could best be described by an oldie, BUT a goodie. Yep. Found this gem on a mixed CD from my freshman year of college! It's from this CD, and it's MY ULTIMATE jam right now! "Don't call me. Don't write. Don't show up in the middle of the night. You know that, we needed, some time and space to Breathe in." Yep. There you go, he who used to be my best friend until I realized that we can't be friends like that anymore. AND, I showed you what your greatest fear (aka negative ramifications from communication) REALLY looked like. haha. I want and need some space. In the words of Dashboard, again, "This will be best for us both, in the end."

Now, now. I'm sure there are some of you that are thinking that this is not the happiest post ever. BUT, have no fear BECAUSE someday there will be a boy who does THIS...and come to my window and say "I've got sunshine on a cloudy day. When it's cold outside I've got the month of May. I guess you'd say What can make me feel this way?My girl!" And we'll be a little bit in love... I'm waiting for that day! :)

If you Care Enough to Say it...

So, when I was in High School I used to babysit this family that had twin girls. They were about 3 when I babysat them and their older brother. Now these girls were pretty funny, and I could tell when they were passionate about something because the conversations usually went something like this. "Hannah! I HATE, HATE, HATE you!" or "You are NOT, NOT, NOT my Friend anymore!" or "Rachel, you are STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!" or "I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Clifford!"

Are you noticing a pattern? My sister and I always used to laugh, because they would ALWAYS say things that they really felt 3 times! I'm noticing with myself that I've picked up on this little habit. Sometimes, you have to say something more than once. The past 2 weeks I've realized that sometimes I have to say something more than once to get my point across. Maybe the twins were on to something. I am NOT, NOT, NOT that girl. There. I said it thrice! :)

Stress

Hello internet!

So, I'm not sure who, if anyone, reads this. BUT, I'm pretty sure that it's a whole lot safer than facebook... and I really find writing cathartic, so sorry in advance if you don't want to read this. If you're looking for fluff, I guess you'll have to try another blog. Sorry!

So, Stress. I feel like I get an overly healthy dose of it. I mean dude! I look at other people and I find myself asking, what's she got to stress about?? Now, don't get me wrong, I fully recognize that everyone has trials in their lives, sometimes I just wish they had a few of mine. :) This has been a rough week. WAY Rough. I was hurt by someone I trusted, Dug out the giving up on life pants for round two. (Some of you may remember that horrible time 4 years ago when the G.U.L.P. made their initial debut. haha!) And the worst part about the whole situation is that before I was called as RSP, this kinda drama happened, I'd eat some ice cream, wear my sweat pants and within a few days I'd be all right. However... I've learned that my calling makes things exponentially more complicated. The RSP can't have a bad day. The RSP can't be bitter. The RSP (in our branch at least) apparently can't win! :) I recognize this isn't entirely true, but to some extent, it is.
Which got me to thinking. I have no reason not to be happy. I have an amazing family, a good job, a great car, solid friends, the Gospel of Jesus Christ! What more can a girl ask for?? I mean did someone I love and care about "do me dirty," yes. Is being the RSP one of the loneliest things I've ever done, yes. But then I was listening to this, and I started to bawl. Talk about a Tender Mercy! Someone understands PERFECTLY how I feel. Jesus Christ knows what I felt like last week at 2 am. He knows how it feels to be so completely alone in room full of people. He knows what it feels like to have to do something hard and seemingly impossible. What a blessing! I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm going to make it! It's not going to be easy, but I deserve this. I deserve and choose to be happy. I choose to NOT let this event ruin my life, but make me into who my Heavenly Father needs me to be. And THAT is something I do NOT need to stress about. :)