A Lot of People Go to College for 11 Years...

Well Internet,

After 3 schools and 11 years I FINALLY made it! Graduation was on Mother's day. It was long, it was hot, the fire alarm went off twice, but I graduated!

 I don't often tell people about my educational journey. But I figure since I finished, maybe someone could learn from my experience. I attended BYU-Idaho right after I graduated high school. Life at home was stressful as my mom had just been diagnosed with cancer. I am so grateful for my time in Rexburg. I know I was supposed to be there. I still have some of my best friends who I met during that time. In my 3 years in Rexburg, perhaps the greatest lesson I learned was how to have fun and enjoy life. I may or may not have slept through my bowling class for 4 semesters in a row.... I also didn't really have an advisor, and I didn't have a clear plan of what classes I should take. Then, I met that boy, he broke me heart and I got really depressed. I wore my giving up on life pants, and when combined with my past years of play, I was put on academic suspension. I left Rexburg, and a piece of my heart.

I am grateful that I was able to come home and re-group. It wasn't until later that I really addressed my issues with depression, but it helped put me on a path where I could move forward. I then moved to Utah and decided I would try school again. It was frustrating because most of my credits didn't transfer, and I still didn't have an advisor. I was again overwhelmed and quit going to school. After this setback I convinced myself that I wasn't good at school, I'm a 2 time college drop out and obviously I wasn't cut out for higher education.

I then got my job with Alyeska, which was again a great experience, but I wasn't doing what I loved, what I knew I should be doing. I knew I needed to be a teacher. But that meant facing my fears and inadequacies, I had to go back to school. My job with Alyeska ended and I went to care for my grandmother and I remember so many people encouraging me to go back to school. I kept thinking "Yeah, but I'll never make it. I fail every time I try."

August 2010. I woke up one morning and decided I wanted to go back to school. I went to UAF, registered for classes starting the next week and found out who the Elementary Education Advisor was. I am so thankful for my advisor. She looked at my transcripts and made me a plan. It wasn't going to be easy, it was going to take 3 years, in addition to the 3 years of credits I already had, but I could do it.

I poured my heart and soul into school, because this time I knew this was what I wanted and needed to be doing.

It wasn't easy. At least once a semester I had a full-on meltdown, tears, "I can't do this," the works.

But I did it! (And with a 3.8 GPA might I add.)

My cousin threw me a fabulous graduation party, with a Wizard of Oz theme, which is special for me because when I was little I was obsessed with the movie.

 But there was a quote from the movie that she posted on the mantel that really hit me.

The quote made me realize that my family knew I could be successful in school. I didn't have to let my past experiences define me because I had the power and ability to get my degree, I just had to realize it.

I couldn't have done it on my own, but I am thankful for the support of my friends and family for getting me to this point!

Now on to the job hunt.....

How My Online English Class ALMOST Ruined My Life

Hey Internet,

So, I alluded to this earlier in the week and I realized I hadn't written the story down, and this is one that I didn't want to forget. So apologies if this one bores you. And it's long. Sorry.

So, in order for me to graduate in May (squeal!) and start my Internship last August I needed to take an upper division writing class. The classes they offered through my school were lame (Alaska Native Literature, no thank you!) So, I decided to take the class online through BYU at the suggestion of my UAF advisor. I registered for the class in March of 2012, while I was finishing my load classes and packed semester. I had every intention of finishing it in the summer.

Well, then my summer Chemistry class happened and that just didn't work as I had planned. But it was ok, I had finished my last online BYU English class in just a few weeks, this would be no problem, right? WRONG!

July 1. Finished Chemistry and decided to start my online class. Early American Literature. 20 open book quizzes and 4 response papers...so. I . thought. Those 4 response papers were actually 10 pages each! PLUS a final project proposal paper. AH!

But, I started the quizzes. Quiz #1, had the book open on my kindle app, it's a multiple choice quiz, I test well, I figured I could do it. Easy Peasy. Took the quiz. 72%. Meh, not bad, I didn't really try that hard. Next quiz I'll try harder.

Quiz 2: Read the section, had it open, took the quiz, felt confident...submit. 40% For reals? Ok, got to try MUCH harder on this next quiz.

Quiz 3: Read the section out loud, looked up answers on literary criticism sites (not just wikipedia here friends) tried my hardest. Legit studying here people. Submit. 25% You've GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! There was no rhyme or reason to these answers. In fact, the feedback on some questions was "upon a superficial reading, you may get this answer, look again." GRRR

Quiz 4: So, by now I'm pissed. I yell, "I bet it doesn't even matter if I try!" Click, Click Click, didn't read, just picked random answers. Submit. 70%

THIS. IS. BOGUS!

I tried Emailing the professor, but the link wouldn't work, so I E-mailed BYU, they forwarded my concerns to the professor. I told him I was having a hard time with the quizzes, I was studying and my grades were horrible. He assured me that the quizzes were a bit goofy and that a majority of the grade would be based on my written responses, don't give up, keep trying.

Well, a few more failed quizzes and I wanted to quit.

Now, keep in mind that by not passing this class by August 9 I wouldn't be able to do my internship, I would have to wait until fall 2013, I wouldn't graduate and basically I would have to be a janitor for the rest of my life. I decided this was going to have to happen. Because I was hating the Scarlet Letter, Last of the Mohicans, and all the other dead Pilgrim books I had to read. I felt defeated and didn't do anything for 2 weeks.

BUT, since my mom has no desire to have me living with her forever, she told me failure was not an option. My ENTIRE family rallied around me. We all read books, while I was frantically writing papers, my aunt, mom, cousins and siblings were looking up quiz answers online. Oh, and you can retake quizzes for $10 a quiz. So, Daddy Warbucks handed over his credit card so I could buy a passing grade on the quizzes, $130 later we had inched my quiz grade up to a 74%

Oh, and the timing. I had to have all the lessons done before I could take the final, which had to be mailed to Alaska and mailed back to Utah BEFORE August 9... Yeah, that takes 2 weeks, which I DIDN'T have.  Luckily, it just happened to coincide with my trip to Utah, so I could take my final before my roommate reunion on August 6.  Talk about cutting it close!

So, the day before I flew to Utah on August 4 I finished all the quizzes and had all but one paper written, and submitted but not graded. I had no idea how this professor was going to grade these, and NO clue if I was going to fail. Once you take the final you can't make any changes to anything else, so  I was really putting faith in God that this was going to work out. And some of my papers were really bad. I mean I wrote a paper about slaves walking freely on a ship when the story was ACTUALLY about mutiny on a slave ship. (That was the last one and after writing 40 pages your brain gets a bit fried)

I submitted my final paper at 2 am and was EXHAUSTED. I decided I would take the exam the next day. I also Emailed the professor and told him I was in town from Alaska and wanted to talk to him about my grade. I waited for a response and updated grades. Nothing.

August 6, Still nothing from the professor. I decided that I should wait to see if I get an E-mail back from him before taking my test. If I didn't hear back from him I would take the test on the 7th.

10:30pm August 6, professor E-mailed back saying my email had gone to his spam folder and he had office times available on the 8th if I wanted to come in then. I decided I would take my test immediately after meeting him and then head to my reunion. Still 1 day before the deadline.

August 7. Checked grades online, instructor had graded all 40 pages of my work. I had a solid B. I was ABSOLUTELY going to pass the class! I cried. I called my family. I knew that all my prayers hadn't been in vain.

August 8- I went to the professor's office. Now keep in mind I had been really cursing this guy for such an impossible class, but I knew my grade was secure, so I just wanted to thank him for grading my papers so quickly.

Internet, Keith Lawrence is the KINDEST man ever! 

I walked into his office and he asked why I had flown all the way to Alaska to see him. I explained my situation, the internship, the pressed deadlines, the family quizzes. He looked at me and said, "WOW. You did all of this in a month? I told him yes. I would love to see what you could have done with more time, because that is AMAZING work, knowing your situation. You will do fine on the final, you're a strong writer and you had some really great ideas about themes and concepts in the works you studied."

I got teary. 

As I left his office he congratulated me on my success in the course and wished me luck in my internship and on the exam I was going to take right then. And then "Tell your family nice work on the quizzes!"

I got a 90% on the final. And a B in the class overall.

This year I have really learned that God has plan for my life. There was NO way I should have passed that class. But because of my family and divine help, I did. I was able to overcome that obstacle and I am on the path to a career that I love. I know that God knows and loves me and hears and answers my prayers, even when they're about something insignificant as an online English class.

If Only In My Dreams...

Merry Christmas Internet,

Hard to believe Christmas has come and gone. I survived. 

Christmas time is always a bit painful for me.

Partially because it's a reminder of how my life has taken a different path than I had planned. (Not a worse or better plan, only different.) I always imagined by this time in my life I would be married with children. My family would have our own little home to decorate and fill with traditions and I'd be finished with school.

Sometimes I get bitter and sad. 

I don't have the husband, the kids or the home. 

(I do have TONS of people who love me, an internship *that's 1/2 way done* that I love and 24 kids who I adore! I really can't complain about that)

And then I kick myself, stop doing that, and try to find a way that I can fill that hole in my life and help someone else.

So, I "visited Santa" to make sure that all of my friends under the age of 10 got custom letters from the Jolly man himself. *Kris Kringle and I have VERY similar writing styles. WEIRD!

A few of my local favorites!

I made Gifts for all 24 of my kids. 

Hair Clips for the girls

I stayed up til the wee hours of the morning to make my kids rainbow Jello.

I made bread for all my friends at school.

Homemade Cinnamon Chip and White bread!

The Finished presents wrapped and ready to go!

When we went Christmas Caroling, we stopped at one of my kids' houses. I think he waved at me about 20 times while we were singing.

And I come to understand better, as I serve others, how much my Savior loves me. 

I'm Thankful For...

Hi Internet,

Happy November. Less than 3 weeks to Thanksgiving and only 8 university classes before the end of the semester! Holla! I decided I would decide to be thankful this month, because I really have a lot to be grateful for.

So, today, I am thankful for thoughtful people. People who find good in the world around them. One of my students made me this and I tried hard not to get choked up. She might be one of my favorites. It's easy to go to work when you get to be with kids like this.

Looks just like me no? The Dream houses in the background were from an art lesson I taught a few weeks ago that apparently this student loved. I also love the speech bubble of the students in the background.

Life is good.