Well, it's been over a month since Grandma has been gone. My Aunt and I have started to get around to emptying her apartment and going through her belongings. I would be lying if I said it wasn't difficult. My Grandma wasn't wealthy by any means, and she didn't have many valuables. I'm realizing that the things that mean the most to me of my Grandma's can't be put in boxes.
Surprisingly, the hardest room in the house for me to go into is the bathroom. Towards the end of her life Grandma didn't leave her room much and when she did it was to go to the bathroom, and she couldn't walk so we basically had to carry her. One of us would go to the side of her bed and she would put her arms around your neck and whisper, "Thank you! Thank You! Thank You! I love you! I love you! I love you!" (Cause saying it once wasn't nearly as effective) :) And we would slowly shuffle the 15 feet to the bathroom.
While uncomfortable for her, that hug and 15 steps were the best part of my days.
My Grandma taught me a valuable lesson, that we are only as happy as we are grateful, and that even when life is hard, we can serve by letting people know we care. The day before Grandma died I sat by her bed and told her that I think she saved my life. Before I went to Oregon I wasn't quite sure what I was going to do. My job had ended, I had to move out of my apartment, I had no plan, and felt pretty worthless. So, I went to visit my family and use up some frequent flyer miles. I ended up staying longer than planned cause I thought Grandma needed me.
In hindsight, it was me who needed her.
When I felt like a failure, Grandma thought I was wonderful. When I hadn't showered for days and was in pajamas, Grandma told me I was beautiful. She saw REAL me. The one who wasn't putting on the show... She saw me like Heavenly Father sees me. Full of potential, not a looser, A Child of God with infinite possibility. She saved my life.
Now that she's gone, the challenge is to become the woman my Grandma already thought I was. Big shoes to fill, but I hope I can do it.
Thank you Grandma, I love you.
Surprisingly, the hardest room in the house for me to go into is the bathroom. Towards the end of her life Grandma didn't leave her room much and when she did it was to go to the bathroom, and she couldn't walk so we basically had to carry her. One of us would go to the side of her bed and she would put her arms around your neck and whisper, "Thank you! Thank You! Thank You! I love you! I love you! I love you!" (Cause saying it once wasn't nearly as effective) :) And we would slowly shuffle the 15 feet to the bathroom.
While uncomfortable for her, that hug and 15 steps were the best part of my days.
My Grandma taught me a valuable lesson, that we are only as happy as we are grateful, and that even when life is hard, we can serve by letting people know we care. The day before Grandma died I sat by her bed and told her that I think she saved my life. Before I went to Oregon I wasn't quite sure what I was going to do. My job had ended, I had to move out of my apartment, I had no plan, and felt pretty worthless. So, I went to visit my family and use up some frequent flyer miles. I ended up staying longer than planned cause I thought Grandma needed me.
In hindsight, it was me who needed her.
When I felt like a failure, Grandma thought I was wonderful. When I hadn't showered for days and was in pajamas, Grandma told me I was beautiful. She saw REAL me. The one who wasn't putting on the show... She saw me like Heavenly Father sees me. Full of potential, not a looser, A Child of God with infinite possibility. She saved my life.
Now that she's gone, the challenge is to become the woman my Grandma already thought I was. Big shoes to fill, but I hope I can do it.
Thank you Grandma, I love you.
2 comments:
I've always thought you were wonderful!! I know I haven't kept in touch very well over the years (and you should know by now I'm horrible at it) but I have always considered you my friend and you always will be. I hope one day we can visit again!! I love you Krystal!
Krystal,
I hope you know how much you have touched my life. It's crazy to think that one week at EFY could change my life so much, but it has. I still ponder on some of the devotionals that we had, and think of the camaraderie and friendship that I felt. For once in my life, I felt that I belonged.
I remember not wanting to leave EFY that week because I knew I would be going back into "my world" where I was so much an outsider. I remember waiting for my mom to come pick me up and just bawling my eyes out wishing that the week wouldn't have ended so soon. And then, I opened up the little note that you had written me. I remember almost not wanting to open it because that meant that I had to accept the fact that it was really over.
I remember sitting on the curb at BYU-I, trying to see clearly enough to read this note that you had written me. It was short and sweet, yet so profound. In it, you reminded me of my divine nature and how I am truly a daughter of God.
I still have that note, as well as a couple of others that you had written me during that time and shortly thereafter. I keep them in my "special notes" file, and read them occasionally, and when I do, I'm strengthened by the memories that they hold of that week at EFY. I also feel very strongly of the love of my Heavenly Father through those notes and letters, and that in and of itself is a strength to me that is un-describable.
Life does suck still sometimes, but that's just life. However, I am incredibly blessed by the people that I know and come into contact with. I know that the Lord will never leave me alone. I know this partly because of you.
I guess this is my way of saying thanks again for everything. I knew that that week of EFY was going to be good for me--I just didn't realize how good! Because here I am, five years later, still feeling the strengthening effects of that week.
Love always,
Morgan
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